wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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