Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize