Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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