I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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