still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
