you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
