Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
