i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize