just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
