Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
