Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
