i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We are two peas in an std pod
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
