You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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