I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
