i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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