the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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