all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
