If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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