Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
