did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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