I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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