he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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