I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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