I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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