it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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