it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize