so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
