I want to have your abortion
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
