Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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