Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
