I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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