I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
