my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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