lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
