As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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