doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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