covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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