doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
