I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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