I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
