it wasn't lemon gatorade
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize