oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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