Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
