I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
