Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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