Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
