There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why do cheetos always look like penises
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
