oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
