so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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