The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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