Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
