I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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