Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
