dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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