I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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