he thought i was a dude.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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