I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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