Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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