No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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