Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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