I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
