So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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