I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
