just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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