Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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