if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Terrible idea I love it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
