you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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