Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize