Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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