dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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