Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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