Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
