I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
