if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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