Your face is a jimmy john
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
