I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
