dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just gargled with NyQuil
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
