My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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