im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
