Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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