i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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