Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
