What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
