Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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