i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
