Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
