All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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