I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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