Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize