apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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