yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
