your parents love me but you hate me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
