I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
