Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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