It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
