Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just gargled with NyQuil
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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