I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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